There isn’t a day that goes by that I see or hear something on the news around me that makes me want to comment. I’d venture to say most of us feel that way these days. But the truth of it is, I’m in an unusual position, in that my husband’s job requires me to remain silent. Anyone who knows me knows how hard this is for me, as I’ve always been a strong woman with my own opinions. But, the fact remains, I watch or listen and bite my tongue. I’m not the only one out there in this position. I imagine I’m in a crowd of thousands, and yet, I feel all alone. I listen quietly as my friends give their “take” on the world news, cultural issues, diversity, freedom of speech…yes, freedom of speech, and I politely raise my eyes or nod my head, never engaging for fear that I will give my own opinion.
Who am I that I can’t speak my mind? Who are the thousands that stay silent while the world is in chaos? We are spouses of military leaders, CEO’s, government officials, church officiants, leaders of charities and local businesses. We are the silent minority that watches but doesn’t say a word in fear that our voice will be misconstrued as that of our spouse and their position. I figure you are raising your eyebrow, as you read this and saying, “hog wash.”
But let me explain… Imagine you head to church one Sunday and the minister preaches about forgiveness and acceptance of others, but you overhear the spouse telling someone that it’s high time we keep “those people” out of our church. What are you going to think about the minister? Will you believe the minister’s sermon? Will you question that preacher’s true feelings and beliefs? OF COURSE, YOU WILL.
Imagine you shop at a small store and love the owner. You find the owner to be kind and trustworthy. That owner appears to be following all the CDC guidelines for Covid and you feel safe shopping in the store. But then the owner’s spouse speaks up against having to wear masks and following all the guidelines. You begin to wonder if, in fact, the owner really is following all the guidelines for Covid, because if the spouse doesn’t believe in it, perhaps the owner doesn’t either, and maybe the owner isn’t truly following the guidelines. You and your friends slowly stop going there and their business goes away, all because the spouse did not stay silent.
The truth is, people begin to question the ideas and ideology of the spouse in the leadership position. Many things can happen when this occurs, the spouse can lose their following, their job, their customers and livelihood, so we stay silent to protect the one we love.
Don’t get me wrong, sometimes staying silent is a good thing. I find that most of my friends have remained my friends because they think I agree with them on controversial issues. Often, I do not. I find that my life is much more peaceful because I’m like Switzerland, never taking sides. Sometimes it’s comical and I think, if they only knew. But most of the time it can be frustrating. Sometimes I just want to say, “Are you crazy? Get educated! Stop talking, you don’t know what your talking about!”
But don’t feel sad for me, because one day my spouse will retire and my mouth will open and I will not be silent any more. Okay, that’s not true either, because I’m a author and I don’t want to offend anyone… so I guess I’m doomed to my own thoughts for the foreseeable future. But will you do me a favor? Will you be aware that there are those of us out there that must remain silent for the good of others? Will you try to think before you speak, do your research, educate yourself and be willing to listen to others? Because it sure would be helpful for us that must remain silent while the world is in chaos! I hope you understand. ~Thanks!
ps: Just as I finished writing this, the news came on on the television and the United States First Lady was under attack for her silence. HA…Of course, I will remain silent.
I think you’ve nailed the experience for us who sit in silence – and even for the select who sit in silence because they feel like Switzerland and don’t feel politics should govern whether they’re friends with someone!!!! Why have we allowed political beliefs and disagreements to shatter families, intimate relationships and friendships? I’ve discussed this a lot with my most trusted bestie (ME 😆) and we agree 😜 Many people, having let go of spiritual beliefs, passionate hobbies, favorite past times are lacking meaning and depth – I think they are searching for connection and in that search they find a connection among a set of people on one political side or another. It is , after all an easy way to understand the basics of a human being? Right, like these political issues somehow are the end all he all to who we are and what we believe. Abortion, Gay Rights, Environmental policy, education legislation,political finance reform, legalization of marijuana etc etc etc. But does that really express the totality of a person? No. Does the fact that you are for or against legislation on fracking make you a better match to my friend or not? I say no. I say, stop letting the political disagreements separate us. I say strive for what you believe in, vote and preserve the America you believe in but not at the expense of saying “ hello neighbor” or at the cavort sided cutting off of a family member because they voted red or blue! I think when we make connections rooted in political beliefs we are missing the depth and intimacy available when we allow our hearts to open to hearts of different shades of belief than our own. I’m not saying ignore someone because they believe the same, I’m just saying there’s a lot gained in embracing someone who may not. And no one would feel alone – because cancel culture wouldn’t be a thing – of course those service members who vowed to be a-political – should remain, and I believe that’s what makes us a United military force to be reckoned with 👌🏻Bravo on this well written piece! And, we are in it together – and forever, red or blue – you got me ❤️
Thank you Ruth for your insightful comment! Well written and absolutely well said!!