The most unusual thing happened to me this morning as I lay in my bed watching the news… it’s probably happened to you too, but we’ve never put a name to it. I’ve decided it’s a form of PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder.) I know that sounds strange but I’m sure you will agree when you read on.
I heard her name, then saw the images of astronaut Christa McAuliffe, and I immediately felt the burst of tears come to my eyes as my breath caught in my throat. It was as if I had just gone back 35 years and was seeing the Space Shuttle Challenger explode before my eyes. Even as I write this, tears have somehow found their way down my cheeks. I have no control over what has just hit me like a ton of bricks. Was I attached to this astronaut? Was I into space exploration? No. The event was so horrific that I clearly am reliving it 35 years later. Even as I reread what I wrote, I again had my heart stop and my eyes filled with tears as I read the name of the space shuttle. Perhaps the reason this is so unusual for me is because I didn’t think I had a personal connection to the event. Has it happened before? Yes.
Whenever I see the aftermaths of Hurricanes, and people surrounded by debris that once was their home, I immediately cry. I am taken back to Hurricane Georges in 1998 when a Category 2 storm ripped through my house in Key West. As I returned to my home with my children, I drove through the middle keys unprepared for what I witnessed. Lives were shattered as houses lay in rubble and people stood in tattered clothing in food lines as I made my way south. I cried all the way to Key West. No one prepared me for what I was taking my children back to. So I have an instant response of heart palpitations and tears when I watch the devastation of a hurricane.
I am a sensitive person by nature, this much is true. But having PTSD as a “regular person” rarely is discussed. In these events, I have absolutely no control over the physical reaction of my body. It is an instant response with an instant reaction. I have no time to think about the event and say to myself, this is sad. No, I just react.
Such is my response whenever I see a clip of any part of 911. For whatever reason, I cannot control the horror my mind and heart endure whenever I see or hear clips on the news or in social media regarding 911. For those of us that were alive during this event, we will never ever forget it: where we were, what we were doing, who we lost… but to relive it in horror each time it is recalled is clearly a form of PTSD.
I’d like to think there are happy PTSD events that bring emotions up out of nowhere, like seeing the birth of a child that causes one to break into tears remembering our own child’s birth. But I’m pretty certain they call this reaction something different, since the reaction is caused by something joyful.
I imagine that I am not alone when it comes to post traumatic stress and its sudden appearance, reminding us of something our minds still cannot fathom. I cannot imagine living every day with PTSD as so many of our military members, law enforcement officers and victims of crimes do. But I do know one thing, that in that moment when my mind takes control and demands my body to react and recall, I am aware that I am thankful to be human. Thankful to know that I have the ability of compassion and love for others in their time of pain. Thankful that I can recall and remember those who have long since gone from this world. For in these unexpected moments, I know I am not alone because somewhere else, someone, is feeling as I do, just a regular person like me.
Author’s note: This blog is in no way meant to offend anyone diagnosed/living each day with PTSD. It is merely a look at the disorder in the light of the average person. IF you or someone you know suffers with PTSD and you are looking for help please click on this link: https://www.psychguides.com/guides/ptsd-hotline/#:~:text=Calling%20a%20PTSD%20helpline%20is%20often%20a%20beneficial,phone%20call%20to%20a%20helpline%20would%20be%20like.
